i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
