Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
