Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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