yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
