the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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