hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
