Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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