i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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