we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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