he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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