i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize