You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
