I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
