im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
