Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
