You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
