No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
