i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
