He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize