dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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