a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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