did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
