I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
