babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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