I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize