Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
