Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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