She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
