Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
