You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
