they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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