I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
