She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
