There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize