Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
