Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
