I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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