How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
