First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
