She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
