You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
