its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
