i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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