your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Boobs are out for the taking
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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