you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
