I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
