i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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