Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
