Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
