I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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