I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
