oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
