I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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