Your face is a jimmy john
What did we do last night that was yellow?
this just has baby written all over it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
