she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
