my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
