Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize