Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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