i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
