ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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