he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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