So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
