Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
