Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
