You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
