you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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