there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
