Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What a dumb baby whore.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
