I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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