ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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