I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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