I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
