dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
