I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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